The 50 very important things men should realise about women

The 50 very important things should men realise about women

When we find a list quite possibly even way more ridiculous than even some of our own lists posted around, we already knew we had to intervene here.

 

The only reason why we even read this list in its entirety is because we falsely and wrongly believed it was actually written by the one and only “WSJ” for the most part of the actual article.

Really the only thing dumber and possibly worse than the post in itself is the actual fact that we felt truly compelled to write our own unique version on this list. We truly promise that it is actually got some thought behind our own list  and added much more entertainment value.

Here is our own personal response to the “50 Things Every Woman Must Realize About Men” fiasco fittingly titled “50 very Important Things Men Should Realize About Women.”

1. You really have to learn to stay away from her own top drawer inside the nightstand. It has got her own “Secret Service” folders and the stuff she really needs to hide when  the rule parents visit by surprise.

2. She really loves you for who you actually are. If she really didn’t, then why in the world would she waste her precious time trying to change you into something else?

3. You should really take it own and personally when she actually flirts with someone in front of you. It usually means that you are either not giving her what she really wants in bed or she finds that fella way more attractive and interesting than you. Ouch!

4. Her close friends opinions of you really matter, don’t believe otherwise. To citrate a British pop girl group that defined the 90s generation – The Spice Girls – “If you wanna be my lover – you gotta get with my friends.” True words!

5. The girl wants to  have a good relationship with your mom. Who would really teach you how to treat a girl right?

6. You really have to let things go. Really, stop thinking she is all about drama when you are the drama King yourself.

7. She likes the mystery you have. For other things, like your pride possession, the extensive collection of Matchbox models, keep it to yourself. Please!

8. The girl really misses you when you are away. That doesn’t necessarily mean she will send you postcards when you leave for work early in the morning.

9. Withholding precious info is dangerous. We need to know how the movie ends… and which one of your good friends was using hemorrhoid cream. Bam!

10. She doesn’t tell her straight guy friends anything that would make you jealous. I can’t believe this is the first time I’m saying this in this article, but give us a little more credit, “Wall Street Insanity”!

11. If you really want anal, don’t be a p*ssy about it. Let’s talk!

12. She actually sometimes considers what it really would be like to date your friend or roommate. Your roomie definitely didn’t look attractive when you started dating six months ago.

13. You should figure out what she likes to do. There’s nothing more attractive than a man who won’t make me spin with him.

14. She really wants to  stop fake orgasming. Just make her come. You will know the difference, trust me!

15. She knows when your mom picked out the gift for her birthday.

16. She enjoys when you improve your “Prince Charming” routine. She knows how to properly cook the risotto, but who mentioned she really wanted to play chef in the kitchen?

17. You’ve got to be capable of maintaining an erection. All The Time!

18. If you’ve been together for longer than three months and she hasn’t said or intimated that she loves you, she probably doesn’t. And if she starts picking fights with you because she genuinely no longer cares, then…

19. Telling us RELAX truly does not work. It has quite the opposite effect on us and you know it.

20. She is not be ready for kids right away. You like this beautiful body, right? Awesome, because currently so do we, man. Don’t push it!

21. She really knows exactly when you are lying to her. She really is hoping it is for the big surprise birthday party she always wanted but couldn’t ask for ever.

22. She secretly wants you to invite her to the places you enjoy. We sometimes love football games and really any place that could involve a photo opportunity. Selfie time!!!

23. She really wants to look good for you and only you. So don’t you dare tell her that every outfit looks exactly the same.

24. You don’t really have to understand her mania for shoes. You have to respect the fact that she might look at them quite same way you might look at porn.

25. You should always defend your girl. Be it in front of your friends, coworkers or your mom!

26. She is really tired of always having to make all the plans. Make a plan for a special time for just the two of you to show her that you actually care!!!

27. She really wants you to be more thoughtful. The most prised presents are the ones from the heart! The ones like taking out time in your day to see a movie or a play together.

28. She might love your “who can grow the weirdest moustache” contest with your pals only if you include her and make it playful somewhat.

29. She really wants you to meet your circle of friends.

30. She is secretly very flattered that some of your friends think she is attractive. That doesn’t necessarily means she wants them or something, though if she thinks about it, see #12. Just in case…

31. She really likes being your muse but please don’t hang out photo of the inside of her vagina or something in a gallery anywhere.

32. Just don’t be afraid of oral sex.

33. She really wants you to tell her what is wrong when you are upset at something. She does not need an entire and complete sit-down, but just keep her in updated.

34. Don’t ever comment on how much she eats. Especially when she’s on her monthly period. Ever

35. Removing all the typical gender stereotypes aside, be a man. In the relationship when we need you to be one, like when it’s time to kill a spider, just deliver. OK?

36. We want to hear about your ex-girlfriend. That only has to confirm that we are better though.

37. It doesn’t matter how charming, cute or good looking you are. At some point in the relationship, she’ll fake it to get you off her. Really, don’t ever let it come to this. Ever…

38. If you ever cheated on your girl in the past, she is going to be very wary of you. You would have to probably keep this information all to yourself. Don’t slip.

39. She really likes it when you do gentlemenly things. This really does not include hocking loogies. Remember that!

40. Being an enourmous douchebag is not really a good look.

41. If you really have a serious problem when she actually wins at trivial stuff, then you’re will have an even bigger and serious problem when she’s more successful than you in things that actually matter.

42. She secretly knows that you actually enjoy “The Notebook” or some other weird chick movie.

43. If she have turned down your weird request for a threesome by now, you should start a search for a fleshlight and DIY thingy…

44. Take a note there: The quiet time is when she is watching “Gossip”

45. Give her reasons to compliment you. She really will not tell you that your balding hair looks sexy pushed back if it doesn’t somewhat resemble Aaron Samuels.

46. She really needs you to indulge her from time to time. Be it  that means listening to her sometimes pointless gossip or enjoying each other’s massages. This is  what really makes her happy.

47. When she actually stops caring about dressing up in front of you, maybe then all the romance has officially gone out the door or she is getting too comfortable with you, which is not always a bad thing…

48. You are not her dad. You’ve been inside her. Repeatedly.

49. The same way she is not your mom. Don’t really expect her to baby you all the time.

50. Above everything she really just wants you both to be happy together. It is way more simple than any list we can create!!!

Hope we made a point!

Men don’t need to be tricked, we need the truth

When I see articles with titles like “Trick men into falling in love with you” or “Trick men into asking you out” I’m appalled. The idea of tricking a man into a relationship seems a misguided endeavor. The notion of tricking men into anything feels demeaning and insulting to men.

Trust and integrity are the bedrock of relationships. I keep that in mind when I write about men. Everything I write derives from twenty years experience working with men. The information is authentic, often dramatic, and most importantly, one hundred percent real. My code is simple. Gratuitous advice is the lowest form of conversation.

Men Task - Truth About MenInformation gleaned from a man who shares stories from his heart is credible because it emanates from a deep, emotional place, and is therefore his absolute truth. His story doesn’t need to be burnished or altered in any way to be relevant because peeking first-hand into the male psyche is fascinating and authentic.

My primary goal is to reassure men that they no longer have to face their personal issues alone standing in front of a mirror, second-guessing themselves. They are capable of having loving, caring men friends for life, men who will be there for them through divorce, dating, relationship issues, unemployment, anger, and any other issue that stands between him and happiness. I frequently speak to groups and finish with a simple question. The next time your life falls apart, who are you going to call? The blank stares are answer enough. Most men have no support system, and that’s entirely unnecessary.

 

The answer to a question women often ask, “Where are all the good men”? is the good men are meeting in small groups a few times a month, helping each other work through the issues that hobble them in all of their relationships. If a woman meets a man who’s doing this work, at a minimum, she will know that he cares enough about his behavior to work on it with other men. He’s also a man who knows how to speak from his heart, not just his head. When you ask him how he feels, he won’t tell you what he thinks. I think women would find that refreshing. Arguments could get resolved instead of going around in a circle.

Workshops and weekends for men that promise instant, authentic manhood are spurious at best. Teaching men about the sacred stones, warrior training, or drumming in the woods, won’t deliver long-lasting, meaningful insight into becoming better men. There are no shortcuts for shedding a lifetime of issues that have held a man back. His success depends entirely on his commitment to doing the work with other men.

A terrific aspect of doing the work with other men, beyond getting your life straightened out, is that it’s free. No dues, memberships, or commitments, other than to show up for meetings. There’s no need for a leader, therapist or otherwise. Each man in the room should feel equally empowered.

Men Task - Truth About Men, No Tricks

While there are therapists running men’s groups for fees, that makes the group a business. This work should never be a business. It’s about men’s lives, and that’s too personal to make into a business. Men are eminently capable of working through their issues without oversight. Consider that eight, forty-year old men sitting together in a room have over three hundred years of life experiences from which to draw.

A man in the midst of a divorce doesn’t need advice; he needs to hear what other men did and how they felt when experiencing his issue. He needs to hear what worked and what didn’t work for other men. He needs to hear how they felt when experiencing his issue. He needs to know what lessons they’ve learned. He needs the kind of authentic friendship men with integrity share when their hearts are open enough to speak their truths.

It takes years for a man to build a wall around his heart to protect him from pain. It takes time and trust to take that wall down, brick by brick. Accomplishing this opens a man’s heart to relationships with women and friendships with other men. Men don’t have to face the world alone. There’s no virtue in being a lone wolf. It’s like committing slow emotional suicide.

 

Defining The Modern Man

Admin   February 13, 2016   No Comments on Defining The Modern Man

What defines the modern man?

In the early beginning of the century, the recommendation was for regular men to “embrace the feminine” done by using more and various sophisticated hair products, pedicures done and getting involved into other usually traditionally-feminine activities. It led us to the rise and fall of the metrosexuals and the interesting and the very highly popular phrase – “Real men wear pink”, which was a strong implication that wearing a usually feminine associated color like pink might actually made men feel more masculine.

What makes man a man

Just a few mere years later the public opinion swung in a completely opposite direction with every day men attempting to hug the idea considered the manlier side of masculinity. Men took up old school pipe smoking and bare wood carving, grew manly beards and sophisticated mustaches, wore old school flannel and went on mountain retreats on the weekends. They were now new men who respected the woman and were not hung on the usual, traditional gender roles but who would still had plenty of masculine defining features and manly hobbies.

What makes a young man a man

As far as trends are concerned we are way more comfortable just sitting in front of a campfire near a cabin in the woods rather than getting eyebrows waxed, but as the modern male try to figure out what exactly it means to be a man, we believe that both modern trends miss the mark. We think that the problem is not that there is anything wrong at all with embracing the feminine side or embracing on a variety of masculine hobbies. It is that actually we are discussing the wrong thing entirely.

Whether todays men are being told to be more like their women counterparts or to be entirely less like women at all, all that really does is to continue to play the old game masculinity against femininity in a futile attempt to define real manhood based on only surface behaviors completely. At its core, to be honest, being a man is not really about being way more masculine or more feminine – it is actually about no longer being a kid, not a grown up.

What makes a young man a man

A child  that haven’t matured behaves expecting other people to completely take care of him, and when usually something does not go the way that it wanted, he decides it is someone else’s fault and not his entirely. A grown man, however, is an active participant and in chargeof his own life. He is taking responsibilities and not afraid of making the tough decisions.

Making the transition isn’t easy. It isn’t especially without anyone else to help you. Actually it was not until our twentyones that I realized that actually taking an active role in my own life was actually even an option. I really had no idea at all how I was about to teach myself how to do everyday things like making new friends, attract pretty women and generally be a happy human being, but as far as I was actually concerned, even if it did fail,  it would not hurt to try and get control over my life.

What exactly followed was a few interesting years and me initially getting a lot of the things wrong at first, but after a little I started to realise the hang of it and it is an incredible freeing.

Ever since when I talk to other men who are actually concerned or confused about their own masculinity and what does it mean being a man, what I find out is that usually they refuse taking an active, commanding role in their lives. They feel it would be very risky to put themselves out there in the open and risk another failure, so they stay away from it.

For them playing by the rules is usually the safe way to go, but todays rules are not as quite as clear as they really used to be. That actually means that we have way more freedom than we are really used to, but it could be also very scary. Without really clearly defined rules you could really mess up and usually do something wrong. Unfortunately the society would still led us to believe that todays men are never supposed to mess up or actually do something wrong.

Actually rejecting the vague set of rules that it is supposed to keep the nonexistent “them” is an incredibly freeing. If really wearing that pink shirt is what you really want to do, then by any means wear that pink shirt. If what you actually want to do is grow a big, bushy beard, then by any means go for it full steam ahead. Not everyone is going to really like it, but in life there is not a single choice that you make that can keep everyone happy. You just might as well stop making that your goal and try to leave a happy, carefree life.

Truly there are way bigger decisions in life than what to wear every day, how to  grow your facial hair and what to eat for dinner.

If you ever make a small mistake, whether at work or at home you really do need to take the responsibility and try to fix it. If you promise that you’re going to do something you really need to keep your word. If you really want a good relation with your lovely spouse and the kids you  are going to have to try to reduce the time you spend on your job. That does not necessary mean not making as much money or to advance as far at your chosen career as you would’ve liked initially, but if the family time with the wife and the kids is actually your priority you definitely have to stand behind that decision and keep your word.

Ultimately the thing about being a grown man is about growing up and actually taking the responsibility for yourself. If you truly value something make it a number one priority. If you really and truly want something to change, you have to work on changing it. If getting what you really want seems really hard and if it requires making sacrifices, you have to do it anyways.

If you really and truly want to be a grown up man, you don’t really need any pre-defined role to fulfil or anyone else’s rules to follow. All you really need is to be actualy an adult.

What Women Should Expect In Relationships

Women in relationships needn’t accept any behavior from men that feels counter to their best interests. The notion that a man’s mood swings, anger, emotional distance, or any other dysfunctional behavior, are normal, typical, acceptable, or okay, is deeply flawed. There are so many myths about men and their behavior that the bookshelves overflow with information, much of it is nonsense. In candor, women who write about men are at a distinct disadvantage, for obvious reasons, as are men, who write about women. Nothing is as valuable as the first-hand perspective.

I write about men and male behavior from a personal point of view, not an academic one, and as experiential information, is authentic. I don’t quote statistics, because that’s an unproductive methodology for inspiring men to alter their behavior. A man who reads that his behavior puts him in some mythical category is unlikely to read any further. He already feels judged, labeled, and condemned.

relationship expectations advice

I’m not making the case that a man shouldn’t think in terms of change, however, because I feel strongly that a man has an obligation to himself to work through his issues if he hopes to achieve his best self, his evolved manhood. Getting in touch with his feelings, while clearly a difficult first step on the path to a man’s emotional well-being, is only the beginning. The next step in the process is far more difficult. A man has to learn how to control his emotions. Anger, rage, emotional distance, and mood swings do not point in the direction of controlled emotions. They are, by definition, out of control.

As uncontrolled emotions, they contribute to an abusive behavioral pattern and damage everyone close-by. Abusive behavior of any kind is absolutely unacceptable and women shouldn’t ever be made to feel otherwise. A man who rages and insists his wife or girlfriend is somehow responsible for his behavior is not a man in control of his emotions. He’s a very dangerous guy to be around because his behavior is unpredictable. When he explodes, it demonstrates a total lack of emotional control, personal responsibility, or respect for others. “It’s your problem not mine”, or, “you forced me to behave like this”, aren’t reassuring or helpful to anyone who lives in fear. Nor are they valid reasons.

holding-hands-relationship advice men and women

Anger has to be one of the most devastating issues in relationships, and I know, because I was the quintessential angry man. I raged for decades before I finally decided to figure out why I was so angry, so often. I had the luxury of having several good friends who cared about me enough to help me get to the bottom of my dysfunctional behavior. These men of integrity and loyalty were not willing to accept my behavior without challenging me, for the sake of our friendship, or any other reason. Real friends, really don’t accept other friends’ bad behavior. Real friends, really help each other instead.

I sat down with seven guys who cared deeply about me, twice a month, for years, and I listened to their stories, and told mine. The lessons I gleaned from listening to men who had dealt with their anger issues made choosing between continuing to hurt everyone around me, and finally putting my demons to rest, an easy choice.

Living in any type of fear is untenable and should never be accepted as inevitable or appropriate. Wives, girlfriends, children, co-workers, employees, bosses, friends, and anyone in any relationship with men are not acceptable targets for angry or dysfunctional behavior. A man, who transfers his feelings of inadequacy by taking those feelings out on those with whom he’s in relationship, is a coward. Accepting my behavior as cowardly was the first step towards wanting to rid myself of it. The rest was easier once I eschewed anger. While Clint Eastwood frequently opined, “A man has to know his limitations”, he wasn’t referring to angry men.

Men don’t need therapists, they need other men

The male specific issues the great majority of men struggle with are related to divorce, dating, relationships, marriage, unemployment, raising children, and their inability to access and communicate their feelings. Each of these issues can best be resolved in small, confidential groups with other men. It’s entirely unnecessary for men to get into individual therapy if they’re struggling with these issues. What I’ve learned over twenty years working with men is that under the right conditions, men are eminently capable of working together to resolve the issues mentioned. Therapists don’t play any role in this work.

Getting into therapy to resolve any of these issues is wrong on two fronts. First, therapy is expensive, but even that would be okay if therapy were a reliable, successful solution for men’s issues. It isn’t by any stretch. Second, male therapists don’t know any more about manhood issues than laymen. Male therapists struggle with all the same issues other men struggle with because therapy has no relevance dealing with the issues mentioned. In fact, male therapists’ training in psychology is irrelevant. Men have to assume the responsibility for their own emotional well-being.

Every single man who dug deep and did the work in my men’s group changed his behavior by working through his issues with other men. That’s worth repeating. Every single man who did the work, succeeded. There are no therapists who have anywhere near that level of success dealing with men’s issues. And worse, when therapists lead men’s groups, they are no longer men’s groups, but group therapy instead. Therapists, who lead men’s group, rob the men in that group of the opportunity to resolve their issues together and learn about themselves in the process.

Men’s groups don’t require a leader of any kind, therapist or otherwise. There’s no necessity for leadership because men can succeed far better without one. Leading men’s groups is a business for therapists, and men’s groups should never be about business. A man in a therapist led group pays for each facilitated meeting he attends, and that’s simply wrong. When men share their real life experiences on an emotional level, the results are vastly superior to any psychological help. Men are flesh and blood, not statistics or case studies, and every man in a men’s group should be an equal. When a leader assumes a role of authority, the men in the group become his patients or clients, and considering that therapists don’t know any more about their manhood than any other men, that’s just wrong-headed.

The work men accomplish in small groups of eight is different from group therapy. All of the work is related to men teaching each other what appropriate male behavior means and how to become better men. They accomplish this through the emotional sharing of their experiences. A man going through a divorce doesn’t need a therapist to tell him he’s in pain or that he should focus on how he’s feeling. What that man can benefit most from is hearing from other men who have gone through divorce who can share, on an emotional basis, how they felt, what they did that worked, and what didn’t work. He can hear how other men in his situation handled the devastating fallout from divorce. That man’s pain, anger, child rearing fears, dating, and ex-wife problems, can be best addressed by men who suffered them, worked through them, and moved beyond them. That information is invaluable, and is as available as the next time the group meets. Men have been meeting together in small groups like mine for decades, albeit in small numbers.

Shared emotional experience isn’t the same as advice, because it’s entirely based on what a man feels, not what he thinks. Advice has nothing to do with feelings. Advice is an opinion, and typically begins with the words, “You should”. Advice is the lowest form of conversation because opinions are debatable. A man sharing how he feels is not offering his opinion. His feelings are his absolute truth. No one can argue about a man’s feelings because that information is authentic when it comes from his heart, not his head.

The difficulty is getting men to realize the enormous value of what they already know. Eight, forty-year old men sitting together can share over three hundred years of real life experience. That’s an encyclopedia of male behavior a group can tap. Nothing is as relevant and real as men sharing their stories on an emotional level.

What most men expect or think is true about men’s group is incorrect. Men avoid emotional intimacy with each other because they have grown weary from years of listening to men who typically offer them lots of advice, judgment, and criticism. Men don’t trust each other because of how they have been treated by other men. There’s no trust in shallow relationships. Men learn it’s best to keep their problems to themselves to avoid an onslaught of advice.

men talk men groupsAdvice has no place in a men’s group. Men join groups to hear other men speak from their hearts, not their heads. There’s too much noise in their lives already to waste time listening to more gratuitous advice. Men want and deserve better. When men belong to a small, confidential group with other men who care about them, they feel safe unloading the emotional burdens that fester in their souls. They learn to open their hearts and speak from a place most men can’t or won’t because they don’t know how and have never felt safe enough to try. They also make authentic friends, and for many men, this is a first.

No man in a men’s group has to face his painful life’s issues alone, ever again. The sense of comfort knowing that seven other men truly care what happens to him and who speak their truths from their hearts to him can’t be quantified. It’s that big. Trust is a huge part of being in a men’s group, and that trust is unbreakable and enduring. The wimpy men are those who ignore their issues and continue to inflict them on everyone around them. The heroes are the men who face their issues and resolve them. That takes courage.

men talk men groups men task

If you’re a man who feels he might benefit from sharing your issues with other men, my website contains information regarding how to join or start a group. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Being a lone wolf is emotional suicide. There’s value beyond your imagination in joining the pack. Join or start a men’s group and become a better man.

For twenty years, author and lecturer Ken Solin has helped men move beyond the issues that limit their lives. Both men and women follow Ken since his work is primarily about relationships